Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Back again =)

Sorry I've been away so long, I didn't plan on the absence. Let me give you an update.

I got a roommate, her name is Lillian and she's really sweet. She's really skinny too...but she eats sooo much junkfood all the time it's insane. It's not fair in the least, and it's bad for me because it makes me feel okay about eating high-calorie junk with her. When she wants to go to the 7-Eleven for a slushie at 11pm, I go with her because I hate being alone.

It's funny, reading over my last few posts after all these months. I posted about how much I loved solitude, and now it seems like I was in denial. Like the guys who can't get a date and say they enjoy "flying solo." Or maybe it was because I was so dedicated to my eating disorder. Now that I've had a taste of normal in my life it's hard to think of giving it up. But the stark size difference between me and Lillian is starting to irk me. I have stayed at a steady weight for the past 2 months...but steady at how much I weigh is not good enough for me.

I've been throwing up a little lately...not enough to be full-out bulimic, but enough to say I'm dipping my feet into the world of EDs again. It's difficult after so much time out of practice...but I miss anorexia more. I'm planning on fasting tomorrow...I just hope I can actually do it and follow through. Especially when I come back to my dorm at night and find Lillian, her skinny ass on the couch and a bag of potato chips in her hand.

I've missed this, I'll try to keep everyone updated from now on!