Sunday, December 27, 2009

Quiet smiles

I love feeling thin. Even if I'm not actually thin at this point, I love feeling light and empty. All I've eaten today was an apple and some burnt low-fat popcorn early this afternoon. Yesterday I had a dinner of some leftover Christmas dinner food and a 160 calorie vegetable soup. That was my only meal. Being home with the family for Christmas makes it a little bit harder, but my parents are used to me being out all the time so they don't watch my eating habits very carefully. I can't wait to get back to school...far away from here.

I'm so excited to have followers for my blog already! Thank you girls so much for reading, and understanding me. I feel so much stronger already.

Tomorrow I'll be out with my twin brother (also home from school) on a day trip into the city. I'm planning on packing a lunch, so he sees it, and then getting rid of it when he's distracted. It shouldn't be too hard...he'll probably get a call from his girlfriend or something around lunchtime and I can dispose of the dreaded food during his absence. He watched my eating a little more carefully, but not so much that I can't get away with things. He too, like everyone else, thinks I'm in recovery.

My greatest thinspiration at the moment is this boy I like at school. He wants to sleep with me, I know he does. We've talked about it. But he's literally a twig made out of rock. Tiny, slim, and all muscle. The thought of him seeing me naked terrifies me to no end...but at the same time I do want him. Basically, I have a matter of weeks before I go back to school to try and get as skinny as possible, just in case. And at school it's so much easier to live this lifestyle, I'll only keep getting skinnier.

In the meantime, everyone stay strong and work hard. Thin is worth it.

~Kaye

4 comments:

  1. In the two posts you have put up I am so incredibly inspired. Please keep it up. I strive for similar aspirations as you. Your words are inspirational and lovely to hear. I wish you much luck! <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can honestly say I understand your issue with this boy wanting to see you naked. Ha, I know that might sound weird, but I definitely understand. All the boys who want to get with me are tiny, and it's incomprehensible why they would want to get with me, especially since I'm so much bigger than them - or at least, I feel so much bigger. Anyways, stay strong, like I know you can, and I'll be here for support if you ever need it. (:

    ReplyDelete
  3. I would be so terrified to sleep with a boy who was thinner than me! And that's tough because so many boys are just SO LANKY! It's great that you have someone who's such major thinspiration for you. : )

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your words inspirational and i do like reading your blog.
    Your so lucky (compared to me) to have someone who wants you...i never had/have anyone, but still.
    Hang in there. Stay strong, we're here if you need support. :)

    ReplyDelete